Formidable Family Men with Greg Denning
#305 Helping Kids Develop and Use Their Agency to Make Good Choices
Are you struggling with finding the balance between 'guiding' your kids' choices and empowering them with real (but frightening) agency?
In this episode, we answer a listener’s thoughtful question about how to support their kids in developing individual agency while still fostering a strong, supportive parental attachment and safe environment that protects from real risk without being overly controlling and 'helicoptering'.
This listener wonders if their parenting approach might be leaning more toward “managed choices” rather than allowing their children the space to make truly independent decisions.
We explore the critical difference between agency and managed choices, which approach works best for which ages/maturity levels, and why it’s so important for children to experience true agency as early as possible.
We also discuss how parents can equip their kids with the skills and confidence they need to make their own decisions—without feeling controlled.
This candid discussion provides insights and practical strategies to help parents foster a healthy balance of love, connection, and independence in their kids' lives.
If you're wondering how to give your children the agency they need to confidently navigate life on their own while keeping a strong bond with you, their parent, then this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways:
• ✅ Discover the key differences between agency and managed choices.
• ✅ Learn how to empower your kids to make their own decisions.
• ✅ Discover the mistake that many parents make of being too authoritarian.
• ✅ Understand why it's crucial for children to experience true agency over their lives.
• ✅ Agency is a fundamental human right that should be nurtured in children.
• ✅ Teaching decision-making skills is crucial for children's independence.
• ✅ Obedience can be detrimental; children should learn to think for themselves.
**Memorable Quotes:**
• 🗣 "Agency isn't about giving kids more choices; it's about empowering them to make wise decisions on their own."
• 🗣 "True agency means trusting our kids with their independence—while maintaining connection."
• 🗣 "When we allow our children to experience agency, we equip them to navigate life's challenges with confidence."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Setup
00:54 Creating a Trauma-Free Environment for Children
03:43 Understanding Agency in Parenting
06:33 The Dangers of Authoritarian Parenting and the Four Parenting Styles
09:38 The Importance of Teaching Over Telling
12:32 Navigating Managed Choices vs. True Agency
15:22 The Role of Open Communication in Parenting
18:28 Teaching Decision-Making Skills
21:19 The Balance of Freedom and Boundaries
24:00 Practical Applications of Agency in Parenting
27:12 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
40:13 Empowering Children with Agency
47:10 Navigating Natural Consequences
53:10 Teaching Decision-Making Skills
59:16 Building Relationships and Trust
01:06:38 Addressing Unmet Needs and Boundaries
01:15:11 Dynamic Parenting Strategies
01:22:51 EFL YouTube Outro Full Updated.mp4
RESOURCES:
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Rachel’s Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms (https://courses.extraordinaryfamilylife.com/courses/ambitious-well-read-mom-booklist)
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Greg's Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth (https://courses.extraordinaryfamilylife.com/courses/greg-denning-booklist)
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